It's strange how random Facebook surveys sometimes inspire a blog. This particular blog was inspired by a relatively simple question on one such survey, but when I asked myself the question, I ended up getting a rather surprising answer.
Are you afraid of falling in love?
Most answers would be a simple yes or no. If only my internal answer had been that easy. My answer was "I've already fallen in love, but I'm still scared."
Who the heck answers stuff like that? Me, apparently.
When people start falling in love, they're letting down walls they've built up over the years. They're allowing someone to see a truly vulnerable side to them that is, quite frankly, terrifying.
At the point in the relationship where Chris and I are, there's so much we know about each other. We know each others' goals in life, our hopes, our aspirations, our fears, our deepest secrets. Things that if they got into the wrong hands, could destroy the person. He knows things about me that would make many of my friends cringe. I know things about him and his personality that most other people don't know and would scare them. Not to say we're bad people, but everyone has their dark secrets and personality traits that are usually kept under wraps and well-hidden. But when you're on the verge of an engagement, you've revealed these things to the other person, and there's no going back. There's no un-saying those things that you've revealed that could be used against you.
I've always found that the most scary things in life aren't bees or small dogs, but the things you reveal to those you love, making you a vulnerable person because that stuff you reveal is a potential weapon of your ultimate destruction. All of my friends know various parts of my life that could destroy me in a single, swift action, but none of them are even comparable to the things Chris knows about me and could destroy me with.
But I love him. I don't ever foresee myself doing anything to him that would make him come anywhere near to wanting to reveal these secrets to the public.
And he loves me, despite all of these dark secrets, and that's what makes the risk worth it.
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someone once told me to love is to give someone the power to hurt you. well said kelsey.
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